The Bruised Reed: Trauma vs. Relationship with God

Before You Read

This post contains references to sexual abuse and its spiritual aftermath. If this is part of your story, please take care as you read. The aim is not to retraumatize, but to speak truthfully, offer comfort, and point to the healing heart of God who sees, grieves, and gently redeems.

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The Tragedy of Princess Tamar

The year is 990 BC in Jerusalem. King David’s daughter Tamar is as pure as she is beautiful. As the granddaughter of King Talmai of Geshur (northeast of the city), her royal blood runs like the two great rivers converging toward the echoes of Eden. Above all, she delights in the law of her heavenly Father and walks in His ways; a young lady truly worthy of a loving and godly husband.

But it is an age of foolish men. Amnon, David’s firstborn, is sickly and abominably “in love” with Tamar. His indulgence in incestuous fantasy makes him ill, and the devil sees the opportunity to incite an avalanche of sin that will leave the princess scarred for life.

Amnon’s cousin Jonadab notices the prince’s pale demeanor and, upon learning of his wretched desires, feels compelled to aid him in his quest to have his half-sister. They hatch a plan to trick the king into sending Tamar to “tend” to Amnon only for all the servants to be sent away, leaving the princess alone with the predator. When Amnon demands her to lay with him, she fights back:

“No, my brother!” she cries. “Don’t be foolish! Don’t do this to me! Such wicked things aren’t done in Israel. Where could I go in my shame? And you would be called one of the greatest fools in Israel” (2 Samuel 13:12-13a).

In a great and rational desperation, she pleads, “Please, just speak to the king about it, and he will let you marry me” (2 Samuel 13:13b).

But Amnon had allowed sin to take hold in his heart. The devil had control of him through submission to the flesh, so he uses his strength–meant to serve and protect–against his own blood in an act of depraved abuse. Amnon forces himself upon Tamar, and the lily of the field is stripped of its beauty; its delicacy and innocence.

The Bible makes note of something very interesting. Amnon’s “love” for Tamar suddenly becomes hate, “and he hated her even more than he had loved her” (2 Samuel 13:15a).

The princess is kicked out, locked out, and left to weep and tear her robes of royal virginity. She throws ashes on her head and runs off, hiding her face from the fatal shame she now bears. Demonic laughter surrounds her spirit as she dreads a life of desolation. Whispered lies fill her spinning mind as the devil dastardly revels at his handiwork.

Tamar’s brother, the king’s third son Absalom, shushes and harbors her as well as a deep hatred in his heart for Amnon. King David is angry but does nothing to bring justice for his daughter simply because Amnon is his firstborn. We are left with the last line of our heroine’s tragedy:

“So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom’s house” (2 Samuel 13:20b).

The Hebrew word used for “desolate” is “shamem” meaning...

Ruined: The Shattering of the Assumptive World

In my efforts to understand and further educate myself on the hellish realities of trauma, I’ve found this to be one of the myriad of connecting threads. I’m dirty. I’m used goods. Worthless. Ruined.

The first stage in the process of what Tedeschi & Calhoun call Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG) is the shattering of one’s worldview. This includes the internal institutions of safety, fairness, self-worth, and, naturally, God. Where was God when I was being abused? How could He have let this happen? Why would He have let this happen? Essentially, the trauma leaves the victim feeling as if no matter how well they fix up the outside, within they are irreparable and utterly ruined.

The second stage is one of emotional struggle which in some ways mirrors the grieving cycle. Anguish, rage, spiritual questioning, confusion, etc. Repeating denial blocks the process and can eventually lead down the path of negative religious coping. Why did God do this to me? Is He punishing me? What did I do? What did I do to deserve this? Negative beliefs about God begin to stack and pack into a snowball of depression and other PTSD symptoms–a bonafide death spiral right into the clutches of the enemy who says that God must love everyone else…except me.

This is a lie.

In contrast, the positive religious coping path is directly linked to PTG. One begins to reframe the trauma and integrate into a broader meaning system. This event that shattered the assumptive world becomes an opportunity for learning how to actually trust and fully depend on God. To be clear, this is not a denial of the pain but a growing through it. Out of the ashes, the Bible can now act as the framework to which one can rebuild their lives from scratch. Questions become meditations like David’s psalms. Anger and resentment become lamentations and lachrymose prayers to the One who catches each tear in His bottle.

I am aware of the sensitivity of all this, so let me be clear: this is a gentle process. Remember what God said about Jesus through the prophet Isaiah?

“Look at my servant, whom I strengthen.

He is my chosen one, who pleases me.

I have put my Spirit upon him.

He will bring justice to the nations.

He will not shout

or raise his voice in public.

He will not crush the bruised reed

or put out a flickering candle.

He will bring justice to all who have been wronged.”

— Isaiah 42:1-3

God understands and leads at the pace that’s just right for us. Only thing we need to do is be willing to listen to His still small voice.

But let’s look back at the story of Tamar because there’s something very important that I missed at first.

The Vindication of Princess Tamar

Why would God make sure this story was kept forever immortalized in His Word? The innumerable instances of abuse, especially in ancient times, were all but tossed in the winds of history. The sheer magnitude of this exact same story, and likely worse, could probably fill a library (a big one) even just with the crimes against non-servants. So why in the world would God make sure that this story was told for all generations to hear?

On the surface, the only vindication Tamar gets is that Absalom kills Amnon two years later. Justice is served, but that doesn’t undo what happened. That doesn’t ease the anguish or cool the burns of rage. I’m sure any victim of abuse would attest to not miraculously  healing upon the sentencing or otherwise punishment of the perpetrator. The reality is we don’t have the written confirmation that Tamar’s heart was ever able to really heal. However…

What we do have is the undeniable truth that God’s inclusion of and focus on Tamar as well as her character proves that God sees, knows, and remembers His children. Tamar was not an idiot. Tamar was not a pushover. Most importantly, Tamar knew what was right and carried the name of her God well. She was a righteous hero of faith, and evil was stripped bare for all the universe to see in this tragic chapter of her life–a chapter smack dab in the middle of a biblical arc all about the abuse of power, its consequences, and the redemption of the faithful.

The Bible–God’s literal words–is a window into absolute, inarguable truth. And what we see looking through this revelatory window into history is that Tamar was not to blame for what happened to her. Tamar had not done anything to deserve what Amnon did to her. Tamar was a victim of the sinful world our first parents chose to live in and part of the great case for God’s goodness before the universe. Evil must be shown for what it really is. God never promises protection from all harm, so its unfortunate existence is not proof against His goodness. What He does promise is ultimate redemption and an assurance that no pain will ever go to waste.

Hear the words of your Father...

The God Who Sees You

“I have indeed seen the misery of my people... I have heard them crying out... and I am concerned about their suffering” (Exod. 3:7).

He is not blind to your trauma. He calls it out and grieves with you.

“You are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you.” — Isaiah 43:4

You are not ruined. You are still His beautiful lily of the field.

“You kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle.” — Psalm 56:8

“Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.” — Psalm 27:10

He was not absent. You were sinned against, and He weeps with you.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” — Psalm 147:3

“You hem me in, behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.” — Psalm 139:5

“He will not crush the bruised reed or put out a flickering candle.” — Isaiah 42:3a

Trust is a fortress slowly and carefully built, and God gives you the space for that with Scripture.

This is a lot, and it’s all really difficult. But the reality is this: you are not alone. Your trauma does not define you. Your Father in heaven, who weaved you together in your mother’s womb, always was, always is, and always will be the Redeemer. Not a redeemer. The. So what your abuser(s) meant for evil, God will turn for the good. Just hold on. Hold onto Him, even when you don’t feel like it. Tell Him how you feel, tell Him you’re angry. At Him, at the world. ‘Cause whatever conversation you don’t have with Him, the devil is willing to have with you.

Tamar’s ultimate vindication–as with yours and mine and all of ours–came with Jesus. When He died on that cross and rose again by the power of the Holy Spirit, it locked in God’s prevailing justice on a world gone mad. So when Jesus comes back, those who know and understand Him will have their hunger and thirst satisfied.

For “surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering… he was pierced for our transgressions… and by his wounds, we are healed.” — Isaiah 53:4–5

May His will be done :)

–Cristian

P.S.

Here are the people I learned from while researching for this article:

Tedeschi & Calhoun -- foundational work on Post‑Traumatic Growth.

Janoff‑Bulman -- Shattered Assumptions Theory.

Christopher Park & Kenneth Pargament et al. -- meaning‑making and religious coping frameworks.

Howard Koenig and Raphael Bonelli -- systematic linkages between religiosity and mental health outcomes.

Shelly Rambo, Serene Jones, and Michelle Panchuk -- leading voices in theological and philosophical reframing of trauma and faith.

Process of PTG (Simplified by ChatGPT)

1. Trauma Shatters Worldview

   1. Your belief system (about safety, fairness, God, self-worth) collapses. You may ask: "Where was God?" or "Why did this happen?"

2. Emotional Struggle

   1. Anguish, spiritual questioning, grief, confusion. This is necessary. Denial blocks growth.

3. Cognitive Processing & Meaning-Making

   1. You begin to reframe the trauma. Questions become meditations. Scripture, therapy, journaling, or prayer help build new frameworks.

4. Growth & Reconstruction

   1. You form new, more grounded beliefs—less naive, more compassionate, more durable. Faith might deepen or shift profoundly.

5. Living Differently

   1. You change priorities: more gratitude, deeper prayer life, stronger sense of mission or purpose.