Ambition

Intro Story

It feels like ages since my journey first began. I keep juggling between whether it was just within the last year or years before I even moved back to Georgia. Regardless, at some point I could see very plainly (whether or not I cared to admit it) that I was all jacked up. God was one of the hundreds of things I worshiped effectively making Him none of the things I worshiped. The LORD calls us to worship Him and Him alone. In all honesty, I was polytheistic. A modern pagan of my own making.

I’ve written about this before in my article about idolatry, but where I am now is a bit different. It’s much closer to home. You see, the LORD opened my eyes one day to how much of my life–the time I couldn’t have earned divinely given to me by my Father–I’d sacrificed at the altar of self-soothing. Video games, anime, manga, YouTube, pornography, blah, blah, blah! What a wicked, spiralling thread. I feel like it’s become the muse of my song of mourning. At some point, though, I had to move on. My tears dried at the closing of the funeral dirge only to find that the death of the self–the starving of the flesh–drills deep deep deep. And so before the angel of death stood still the great, towering idol that was my ambition.

I remembered the time of my life where I worshiped my dreams so much that nearly every decision I made was colored entirely irrational. This is what happens when you dance naked around a breathless stack of wood: you ascribe divinity to your own will. “I deserve it!” I would think. “My talent is proof enough that I am destined for fame.” What a joke. What a total joke. However, just because I humbled myself enough to listen to heed my mother’s pleas to finish college doesn’t mean my dreams were banished from the pantheon. They simply fell to a lower rung on the totem pole.

I praise the LORD now, but I felt sick to my stomach then. I knew in my heart suddenly that even my dreams must be put in their place. Instead of worshiping my great aspirations, I was to let those aspirations become worship. God was the one who gave me everything. So it was time to finally give everything back to Him. I still love to write and undoubtedly have many stories to tell, but now my heart holds them in the secret place. Instead of everything else getting in the way of what “God has called me to do”, I let God tell me what to do next so my angst goes to rest.

Alas, what of my ambition then? Without dreams to carry me forward as they had for more than ten years, what would He have me aim for if not the moon I saw in that vision? The joke is that I’d convinced myself that my human thoughts could comprehend my God-given gifts. To think like God is big picture. To be wise is to accept His step-by-step leading. That’s what I’m struggling with right now. So I begged for a new ambition. He did not delay.

Topic Study

First I’d like to go through where, if I’d only sought first, I would’ve found the answer to what a godly ambition looks like:

• Romans 15:20 – “I make it my ambition to preach the gospel, not where Christ has already been named, lest I build on someone else’s foundation.”

  • Preaching the Good News of how God became man in order to pay the price for all of humanity’s sins, opening the path back to Paradise through acceptance of Jesus Christ–the main quest of life

• 1 Thessalonians 4:11 – “Aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you.”

  • Living with humility, integrity, and dignity

• 2 Corinthians 5:9 – “So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him.”

  • Pleasing the LORD

• Philippians 3:14 – “I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

  • Enduring until the end through relationship with our Father

• Hebrews 12:1–2 – Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

  • Seeking the LORD

And though I’m not sure I would’ve admitted it, the Word also points out the other, dark side of the coin:

• Philippians 1:17 – “The former proclaim Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely but thinking to afflict me in my imprisonment.”

• Philippians 2:3 – “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”

• James 3:14 – “But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth.”

• James 3:16 – “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.”

• Galatians 5:19–20 – “Now the works of the flesh are evident… enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries [often translated selfish ambition], dissensions, divisions…”

Reading these with my current perspective is like going back and watching a movie from childhood only to realize I’d missed all the adult jokes. That’s not all, though, because the Bible has plenty more of general advice when it comes to proper, righteous ambitions:

• Micah 6:8 – “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?”

• Jeremiah 9:23–24 – “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me…”

• Matthew 20:26–28 – Jesus: “Whoever would be great among you must be your servant… the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

• Mark 9:35 – “If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all.”

• Luke 12:15 – “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”

• Colossians 3:23–24 – “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.”

• 1 Corinthians 9:24–25 – “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.

• Proverbs 16:3 – “Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established.”

• Proverbs 21:5 – “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.”

First Steps

So what was the LORD’s answer to my question? A few verses came to my head when I asked (which has never happened before)--verses not found in the above passages.

1 Corinthians 2:13-15 – And we have received God’s Spirit (not the world’s spirit), so we can know the wonderful things God has freely given us. When we tell you these things, we do not use words that come from human wisdom. Instead, we speak words given to us by the Spirit, using the Spirit’s words to explain spiritual truths. But people who aren’t spiritual can’t receive these truths from God’s Spirit. It all sounds foolish to them and they can’t understand it, for only those who are spiritual can understand what the Spirit means. Those who are spiritual can evaluate all things, but they themselves cannot be evaluated by others.

I read that and said out loud to God in prayer, “Is that my ambition? To become more spiritual?” It made so much sense to me. I desperately want to know what path the LORD would have me take, but how can I discern His leading if I can’t understand the truth of His Word? And how can I understand the truth of His Word if I park on whatever spiritual level I’m at because I’m not willing to give my whole life to Him (including my dreams)?

I know this article might end up being pretty niche, but this is what was on my heart. I praise the LORD that His ambition for my life, by its nature, overwrites the path laid out by my selfish ambition. So I will continue diving, digging, and exploring His Word in order to fulfill my new aspirations. My dreams have become worship, and the little of the old me left will be swept up by the angel of death. I thank God that when we pray that same prayer in Psalm 119:25, He will answer and revive us according to His Word.

May His will be done :) 

–Cristian